Observations ... at an outlet mall

1. Men with ugly feet should reconsider the flip flop choice.

2. A stroller does not fit in a standard dressing room. Don't force it!

3. A man should not hold a purse and potential purchases. Wrong on so many levels.

4. If your child is screaming, grab him/her and exit the store! Now!

5. They still have a Crocs store?
6. A woman over the age of 50 should not wear a low-cut, AC/DC tank top.

7. It's “too dark in this store” because you are still wearing your cheap sunglasses.

8. Eight of the sweetest words ever: “I need this in a smaller size, please.”
9. I think I just saw the guy who was wearing a Speedo at the hotel. This is not a good thing.

10. Yes, ma'am, 50 percent off “is the same” as half off.

Bonus: The best seat in the house? The leather recliner in the home theater department of Best Buy.

(Summer 2011, somewhere in Texas)